My mistakes.......

My mistakes.......

"Your eyes won't let my thoughts go back to sleep. Your words draw me across 2000 miles. I don't know you at all, and yet I know you better than my friends of many years. The days I spent with you are like a tape I play, rewind, play, rewind, and play. Whenever I remember something new, I feel as though you touched me on the cheek. I miss you as the grass awaits the wind, Or as the morning sky awaits the sun. Although I look for you in every doorway, I find only the darkness in my heart.
i wait for the day when we could meet each other again and only the thoughts bring smile of my face.................
now stop doing whatever u r doing and talk to me just me” I said that
"bhannus hajur k bhannu cha....me not doing anything m just chatting with you"he said

i was trying to pamper him "ok so risayeko ma sangha......but i know risayeni aafnai khusi huda ni afnai....timi mero sadhai bhari j gare ni afnai"

he burst out in laughter n said "how can i be angry with you?.....timro po ris nak ko tuppa ma cha...kurai nabuhi risauchau.....anyway choda na and tell me what u did today?...."...............

so simple...just like that we knew what we feel for each other...no need to explain any further...no need to say sorry......donno what kind of relation is that..........its much more than love itself.................

But never thought with situation our thoughts will change..........we will try to make each other understand n those words from heart will never reach another’s heart.............how much i cry aloud those tears had stopped reaching your eyes........


"Look me getting married and i don't want my past to come in between my wife n me...so stay away from my life...you're nothing for me now.....i can't go against my family......you're the one who made all mistakes......you're the one who brought this situation in our life..............things can't go on like you want.......i can't live in imagination or in dreams......i want to make my wife the most happiest women in this earth....so go away from my life.."he said ........

"if you never loved me why u said so many things for so many yrs.........why you stopped me when i was getting married......." my strength of patience finished there......."months back when u said you're getting married i compromised with my situation n lived my life...live through that moment.......n after moths u came back to say that me nothing.......you want to prove me that i mean nothing to you but for your kind information i do know that....if i meant something...or you would have respected my feelings you wouldn't have left me......."

"ya i said so many things and thats my childishness.........i said what u wanted to hear...."

"common what kind of childishness is that which destroyed someone's life....for nearly decade u said what i wanted to hear.......or did what i wanted u to do..........isn't that sound kind of funny?.........."

"Whatever u say......within moth me marrying.......and we are finished here......"

"of course we're finished so many times.........three moths back when u said you'r died for me then also i thought it was finished........but no you came back to tell me that me wrong.....blame me for everything..........ok you think i was wrong and i'd made mistake.........i deserved to be punished for ruining everything...........but you know you already punished me a lonely life.....whole life I’ll live alone isn't that enough......"

"Whatever but ya try to be a good ………….........n move on with life....."


hahaha and he blocked and deleted me again...............sounds funny.............but this is life.............my gr8 life............but from heart behind those arguments i wanted to say...........i never asked anything in return of my feelings for you...........just hoped that you'll be with me till end.............and when you left me .........i felt like i lost reason to live my life.......i felt so bad........so empty inside...........like m dying n second by second my breathes r going away from me........and m waiting to see you for once.........to hear that you love me too.........

Distances come in life...........bitterness comes in relation...........but always it isn't necessary that u spoil all your memories n take away the reason of living from your loved ones hand..........or i must say the person u abandoned........Sometimes i made mistake sometimes you did........i forgave you and you asked a big price for my one mistake........i just wanted to say...........me not god.........i can make mistakes too..........in some situations i can be weak too............but i never thought you'll leave me for my mistakes........but i never got chance to tell explain myself........whenever i tried to sometimes u didn't trust me....or sometimes anger was there in between us...........still i say all my mistake..........my mistakes..........

Fren From pokhara

1.Pradeep,bimal,raju...
2.Raju ,dilu,anita,bimal
3.Dilu,anita,bimal
4.Dilu,raju,anita
4.Group photo.( fren from pokhara)

Raju from Poland

Photo from pokhara

1.Anita Rai---Fren
2.Saagar ----Bhai
3.Ma
4.Bindu koirala--dai
5.Manoj Malla--Fren
6.Place-pokhara,pame(ex-saagar)

Lonliness

Just tired........tired of walking alone in these lonely roads of life....only wished to get away.....go away from those past....those memories....but forgot that memories never can be left behind.....u lock them inside your heart but it leaves certain wound....that it hurts with a blow of wind...with a single word....Sometimes life seems meaningless......useless....u found yourself in middle of no where....no one needs u....certainly life seems like u're the only one left behind....everyone moved ahead n u're left to be alone....and today i found myself in that place.....the place where u're abandoned....everything seems so clear yet nothing is perfect...no happiness...when u smile others can see pain in it....when u do something others find out your mistakes....and only u know that u're never wrong....
I wish i could undo every minute of my life....i wish i could go back to the past n change it for everyone's sake.......suddenly i started to feel that i was going round n round the earth alone...all alone....i thought every face laugh with me all the time n now i found they r laughing at me......suddenly i started to drown ......afraid of every little thing in life.....m i insane?........oh may be i m.......if world is pointing at u and laughing in your face what else can be the reason........must be i was crazy all the time.......feeling always hit me in my heart......and i tried not to feel anything.....still it's following me....hitting me....but i even can't say i don't feel it anymore.....sometimes i try to be alone....try to hide myself........turn off lights n try to hide in those dark nights...cause i know no one will search for me....but how can i hide from my destiny...my badluck...it always find its way toward me......
sometimes i try to cry out loud........cry out in my loneliness ...'cause my tears got blamed a lot of time.......hope with each drop that it will take some pain of mine....but it increased the pain inside.......but each drop took my happiness...my thoughts....my strength.......but the lonliness is mine.......n i know i've to live with it.........life is drama n m playing my part so well.....no matter how much others blame me...no matter how much others hate me...n no matter how much they abandon me.........

A TRUE LOVE STORY...

The Best Love story ever

Before reading this please dont think of the person you love
A true, touching love story that happened in the Jamu & Kashmir(border) areas. The headman of a big tribe had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a boy who was an ordinary poor person. When the people of the tribe came to know about their love, they did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it. Now it happened that the two lovers left their homes for a happy future.

The people of the tribe started searching for the two lovers but they could not find them. At last,they accepted their love and asked them in a newspaper to come back.The people said that if u both come back we will marry u, we accept that u loved each other truly. So in this way their love won and the age old attitude of the tribe took a beating.

The couple went to the city for shopping for the wedding. He was wearing a white traditional dress, and was crossing the road when a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. After a long time she recovered and accepted that her love has died. One night she was sleeping in her home with her family. Her mother had dream in which she saw a fairy. That fairy asked her mother to wash the blood spots of the guy from her daughter's clothes as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.

Next night the father saw the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes on which there were blood spots. She washed the spots but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the spots but some still remained. Next night she again had the same dream and this time that fairy gave her last warning to wash the blood spots, else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the spots, the clothes tore, but some spots still remained. In the evening on same day when she was alone, someone knocked the door, when she opened the door she saw the fairy at the door. She got very scared and fainted. The fairy woke her up..., and gave her an object, That awe-struck girl asked "what is this..? to which the fairy replied......"kaise bhi daag ho,jaise bhi daag ho........ surf Excel hai na..." I know what u are feeling now... But don't look for me... I'm searching for the person who mailed this to me... I know you want to kill me for this!!! I felt the same!!

true story..

I have been visiting your site regularly for a couple of weeks now. First heard it at a gathering in Oklahoma City where my boyfriend and myself traveled all the way from Jefferson City for a Nepali friends wedding. It was great to see so many people from back home. Have been following your website religiously since then and hence, made up my mind to share with you what I'm going through at the moment in this strange land, with the hope that it shall be put up in the 'contributed article' section. If and when it does make it to your website, I appeal to all viewers to please advise me on what steps I need to take to put an end to my misery.

I'm 22 and my name is Neha. I come from a very affluent family currently living in Maharganj. Being the only child I was brought up like a princess, sent to the best schools in Deharadun and Kathmandu, showered with anything I wished for. Money was never an issue. Got as much as I wanted…whenever, wherever.

Before I begin with my sob story, let me take you a few months back. I was on a winter break and back home in Kathmandu when I met Rahul at a popular restaurant at Durbar Marg. Rahul had just come back from the US for a few months because of a death in the family and besides, it had been 3 years since he last visited his folks back home. It was instant attraction. I did not give it much thought initially but after repeated phone calls and a few meetings and with constant pestering, I succumbed to his charms. Who wouldn't? Rahul was tall, fair, decent looking, was a 'US Green Card holder' had good manners without any airs about him…. Everything was perfect! But my folks refused to accept our relationship. They reasoned that 'something' about Rahul was not just right. They said that they had a hunch that he was not the right person for me.

Time passed by and soon it was time for Rahul to go back and join his 'work' as a mortgage consultant in Jefferson City. We had a quiet dinner a day before he left. Finally, he spoke up saying that he wanted me to come along with him and that it was impossible to live without me. Oh! How much I loved him. It was then and there that I decided to join him in the US. We said our goodbyes with me promising him that I shall come to the US within 2 months. It was only after that Rahul had departed from the airport that I realized how much I missed him. From the very next day, I made preparations for the visa processes. Did not have much of a problem because I had a elderly friend working at the Embassy, borrowed some money from a friend and I had saved some as well. Did not amount to much, but was enough for the tickets and a few 100 dollars extra…just in case.

9th March, 2006, the day had finally arrived for me to leave home and run away to be with Rahul. Nothing else mattered to me except Rahul. All I wanted to do then was be in his arms. Wrote a long letter to my parents asking them for their forgiveness and thanking them for all they had done for me. Did not have the courage to talk to them on this matter. So finally, without saying a word to anybody, I cried myself all the way to the airport. Not a single time did I ever think of changing my mind. I had decided and I was bent on sticking by my decision. Don't remember much of the plane ride. Its all hazy.

Was delighted though to see the smiling face of Rahul at the Airport. I was thrilled! I got what I wanted. Rahul took me to his apartment which was a mess to say the least. We caught up on things and made love the whole day and night. I considered myself the luckiest girl in the whole wide world. I was fortunate to have Rahul and that was all I wanted in life. I started my stay in the US with first cleaning up, fixing things and taking care of the apartment while Rahul was off working at a mortgage company about an hour bus ride from the place where we lived.

A couple of weeks passed by when I first realized that I was bored just watching TV and doing odds and ends at the house. I approached Rahul and said that I wanted to work too, do something to keep myself occupied, plus a few extra dollars would surely help. He had no problems with it and in fact finances had by now been the major topic of our arguments. It did not bother me initially, but after the arguments turned into frequent quarrels, I started working at a kindergarten school as an apprentice nearby. The pay was not too bad and I was able to finance the initial payment on the car loan that Rahul always wanted to have. A brand new Mustang!

Rahul seemed happy with his new toy and often was gone for days 'camping with his friends'. He did not take me out much and it was then that I started feeling lonely. During one of his camping out nights, while cleaning the house, I happen to notice a suspicious cartoon box in the small attic of the apartment. It was only Rahul who used to clean that part of the apartment and forbade me to go up there saying that it was risky for a woman to climb up and hence, it was him that cleaned up the mess up there. The cartoon contained syringes, vials, some pornographic magazines and a huge stack of marijuana. I was speechless and things started to fall in place. No wonder he used to frequent the attic on some pretext or the other.

I confronted him when he arrived the next day, least aware what I was to expect. He confessed that he had been a drug addict for a couple of years now and that he even peddled drugs to earn the little money that he brought home. The Mortgage Company, Mortgage Consultant and other stuff were all a lie. I was shattered. Confronted with my reminders of his promises and the trust that had been broken, he hit me. It was the first time in my live that anybody had raised a hand on me. Constant fights and beatings become regular from that day on. Now, there is not a single day that I have not got a thrashing from him. My only fault is that I keep telling him to kick off the habit, join a drug rehabilitation program and stop peddling drugs.

am on the 3rd month of my pregnancy and I don't want an abortion. I have no one to share my feelings with. My colleagues at the kindergarten advise me to go to the police or contact the lawyers. I do not want to go to the Police because I'm staying illegally here, the lawyers are out of the question because of the finances and for the obvious reason that I don't know anybody and there is nobody who can help me out. My folks back home do not want me to come to Kathmandu. 'You have disgraced us. We have nothing to do with you now, we disown you" is what they said when I spoke to them last on the phone. I have become a mental wreck since.

Rahul does not come home for days and when he does, he has his friends along with him, all of them high on dope. They do their drugs and have wild orgies in our apartment. The most disgusting aspect of it all is that Rahul, too is an active participant. I'm on the brink of committing suicide. Confronting him with his responsibilities and the child we are going to have, is a waste of time. He refuses to even listen, leave alone do something about it. The apartment rent is long overdue. The little that I make from my work goes to the payment of the various loans and the car loan for the Mustang. The rest is taken away by Rahul. I have no credit cards and there is never enough grocery in the house. To save money, I only have one meal a day consisting of bread and soup. My health is going from bad to worse, especially with the little one inside me. I wish to return back to Kathmandu and start afresh without Rahul, but I don't even have enough money for the tickets.

I look upon you to advise me on this matter and what steps I should take so that I can get out of this mess. Depending on your suggestions, I shall take further decisions. I am willing to consider your advices, be it the police, the lawyers…whatever! I need YOUR HELP.

{Author-My friend}