Living with your hatred..

Hello?
Can i speak to Sonam...
Studies in class 9...
...Pause... Please Hold on...

...after around five minutes...
overheard a lady saying...
Kasle phone gareko??
Ko ho tyo??
Tero..NP ko boy friend ho ni?
Ko ho tyo...?(angrily someone asked)

Thaha chaina miss ko ho?
Khai kunni miss ko ho??

I kept listening...
after a moment she picked up the phone...
and said, "Hello..." "Hello..."
Inbetween those two Helloes I said,"Sorry...Sorry..."

I realised that I had done...
somethng reallybad...
Since then I couldn't find the same love in her...
in her heart...in her eyes...in her days...in her nights for me....


...after many days....
I met her online...
I was leaving her some offline messages...
Hi Jaan... I am missing you more than anything in this world..
I am missing you like crazy...
and...
and...
suddenly she replied ....
I am angry with you...
I asked for forgiveness...
and she said I will forgive you but...
but... we must end this relation here...
you..you..you are a loser...
you can't fulfill your commitments...
I must end my relation with you...
You can't be my dream partner...
(I was stunned... I felt something rolling down thought
my cheeks.. those were the pearls that she had presented me
when I was with her...when I was happy and flourishing in so called love...)
Then she said...,"I will miss you" but i won't be
able to continue this relation anymore... If you want we could be friends...
(I know how i was feeling at that moment...My mind ws out of control)
I asked her don't do this to me...I pleaded her like anything... I asked her for forgiveness...
She said," She will forgive me if I would never ever call back her...in her school...If I want her future to be bright and prosperous..."
I promised her that I will never ever call her in her school...
She forgave me & somehow I am trying to keep my promise...
She was living in her world...Happily but I was desperate to talk to her..
..to meet her...to see her...."
Somehow I managed to meet her... She was looking happy
but I don't know why though I was beside her...
still I was missing her...I had nice time with her... But when I asked her that was her decision was final...?? She replied "YES"
Since then my heart is crying to die... I want to die...
But still I am living a miserable life....since the day I departed from her...
I wrote her so many mails... So many epistles... but all invain...
I am unable to know, what should I do...
what does she wants? As always it’s difficult to
understand a "lady's heart"...
Today it's been a year and a day, since when
I am living a life with someone's hatred...
But..but...
Still I am living with a hope that she will be back...
back with me... holding my hand... arguing with me...
why did i do that? Why didn't I do that???
Ah...Is this a dreamer a reality or just a story...???
I hope it's just a story... Story to be told...
Story to be heard.. But not the story to be done.....