Mar 2, 2006

Think of this before...

Before you think of saying an unkind word
Think of someone who can't speak

Before you complain about the taste of your food
Think of someone who has nothing to eat

Before you complain about your husband or wife
Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion

Today before you complain about life
Think of someone who went too early to heaven

Before you complain about your children
Think of someone who desires children but they're barren

Before you argue about your dirty house; someone didn't clean or sweep
Think of the people who are living in the streets

Before whining about the distance you drive
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet

And when you are tired and complain about your job
Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another
Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down
Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around

Life is a gift
Live it...
Enjoy it...
Celebrate it...
And fulfill it.

Marriage Programme

This is what a guy wrote to a systems analyst (Marriage Programme);

Dear Systems Department,
I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend
7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child
Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0
Installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems
Initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer Run, and
crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Selected
"Saturday Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run
any of my favourite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend7.0", but uninstall doesn't work
on this program. Can you please help?


Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the
functions of the wife 1.0 program.
Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife

Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by it's Creator to Run

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back. To
Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is Impossible
to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended
up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and
Solicitors' Fees).

Having Wife 1.0 insta lled, I recommend you keep it installed And deal with
the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems Occur,
whatever you think has caused them, you must run the
Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the
entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME a number of times, And
eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional
*Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or**
"HUGS\KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\UNDERSTANDING 1000.0", or even "Eating
Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if child processing has *already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version)
or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported
Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

Your Systems Analyst,