Feb 23, 2006

Friendship after love sucks

Hi my name is Sas----.
Normally, I deal with my problems myself. I don't like bothering others. But this time, the problem is so complicated that I need someone else' advice. I have never had a girlfriend, either I wasn't interested or could not find someone interesting enough. But it all changed two months ago when i met a girl in my .......... I had never met someone like her before (Hell,I didn't even know someone like her exists). she was wonderful,very cute to look at and great to have conversation with. In the very beginning of our friendship, she told me that she didn't have a boyfriend. She told me about a guy who had purposed her but she didn't accept. It was what I wanted to hear and so I belived her. After this, I went down the road of love and never looked back.She would be the last thing on my mind when I went to sleep and the first thing when I woke up. It felt so wonderful that I began asking myself why I didn't fall in love before? she gave every hint that the feelings were mutual.But unfortunately, the road was made short for me. I reached a point where I just could not ignore rumors about her having a boyfriend and had to ask her. And sadly, this time she didn't lie. she said that she had a boyfriend and she said it very easily as if it wouldn't affect me or as if I knew about it already. I didn't have the guts to ask her why she lied before. I felt angry and betrayed at first but later started blaming myself for being so blind. May be if I had opened my eyes a little, I would have seen the truth. Still we are good friends but now everytime she mentions about her boyfriend and how much she adores him, it breaks my little heart into thousand pieces. It takes me few days to glue back those pieces together and again she breaks it by saying something like "you know I am very happy right now because he just called me" or "thank God, my mom didn't pick up the phone when he called yesterday" or simply "you know when you say that it reminds me of him". I am sick of it. I am sick of feeling like a looser(which I'm not or I just think I'm not), who is after a girl totally out of his reach. Believe me she is not out of my reach. We belong together but I guess you don't always have what belongs to you. If she thinks she belongs to someone else, I am no one to disagree. It is her decision after all. When I first found out about her boyfriend, I didn't know where our relationship would go next? After a lots and lots of thinking, I made a final decision. Since she was such a wonderful person, I decided to continue friendship with her. But I didn't know then, how hard it would be to continue with my decision. After all, it hurts when heart breaks and in this relationship mine does so frequently. I feel pathetic. I had never thought that I would be the kind of guy who can love someone who loves someone else. Triangular love story sucks. When I decided to continue friendship with her, deep down inside in a pathetic and a evil way I was actually hoping that she would one day break up with her boyfriend (who was in the picture long before I came in) and fall in love with me. But the probability of that happening is the same as that of nepali movies being as good as bollywood movies. In other words, It ain't happening. So I have decided to end it and get over her and here is where I need your help. I don't need your advice actually, things are pretty clear to me.I just need someone to tell me that I am doing the right thing. Is there any point in continuing friendship with her when all I get from this friendship is hurt and feelings of being a BIG

Right now, I can't imagine myself falling in love with someone else. Thinking about falling in love gives me headaches these days but I know it's just a hangover and few months later I would find myself falling in love with some other girl (who hopefully will realize how much I love her and won't have any boyfriend and even if she does will be ready to dump him for me). :)


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