Marriage Programme

This is what a guy wrote to a systems analyst (Marriage Programme);

Dear Systems Department,
I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend
7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child
Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0
Installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems
Initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer Run, and
crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Selected
"Saturday Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run
any of my favourite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend7.0", but uninstall doesn't work
on this program. Can you please help?

... AND THIS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID:

Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the
functions of the wife 1.0 program.
Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife
1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.

Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by it's Creator to Run
everything.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back. To
Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is Impossible
to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is
installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended
up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and
Solicitors' Fees).

Having Wife 1.0 insta lled, I recommend you keep it installed And deal with
the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems Occur,
whatever you think has caused them, you must run the
C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME
Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the
entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME a number of times, And
eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional
*Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or**
"HUGS\KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\UNDERSTANDING 1000.0", or even "Eating
Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if child processing has *already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version)
or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported
Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

BEST OF LUCK!
Your Systems Analyst,