Last Letter....

Some one some where is made for u..........there were so many for whom there is no one made.....they just meant to feel the pain all the time.....love isn't in their fate......destiny brings only heart breaks.........one day i saw a guy for whom i fall for....he never noticed....n one day i found he loved my fren...i stayed quite....i thought may be he isn't in my destiny.........but situations n people taking enjoyment from others situation are always there.......n they call themselves my fren........whom i believed the most.......and they created so many situations in which we both got trapped.....he thought i was the one who always did all the stuffs.........but at that time i even never had guts to talk to him nor anyone else.........i never had confidence to speak to talk tp other people not even my family........i always use to keep quite........and he thought i was guilty......many people said many thing against me to him...may be some he believed some not....but i never explained 'coz i thought he knows me n believes me.......so many be he won't ever blame me for anything.........i waited........just called him at nights to hear his voice.......but never had guts to talk to him.........one day he called me n i thought my prayers had came true.......i convinced myself that if he can't be my lover ...i'll be his fren...his best fren........i did a lot.......n i succeed........but i was always unable to convince my heart.....my feelings increased n increased ...my fren had left him .....when he told me in that i cried for him.....i really did....i even for a second thought anything else.........n i saw him in grief since then......and when i felt hurt 'coz of his grief i went to my frens house n requested her...just to meet him once.......just talk to him one.........she did for me.......n once again i bring them together back.......but things went bad even more........i tried to control the situation but failed.......and they depart once again......my other frens scold me for that.....but i can see myself in pain ...not him.......so i tried so many times....i tried to bring my fren back in his life but i never succeed.......when she used bad words for him i felt so bad that one day i broke relation with her.........he never noticed that slowly he had became my life.....for him i was his best fren........but for me i was devoted to him........cried every night for him.........and every night waited for his calls........and he called every day.......at that moment i always forget my pains n felt like i was on top of the world...........but the next moment i fell down from there........n it took so long for me to get back to life again.......
when he left Nepal for further studies......i felt i lost him.......i cried for months........but distance never came in between us...the next moment he is with me ...in phone calls...net.....but its enough for me.........and i joined school to get out of my depressions......i ever succeed though.......my studies...my life...everyone else had left me many yrs back.......only thing that mattered is him......my morning started with him...my every second passed by with his name.......his photos n his phone call all i have in life.........but i was happy.......very happy i guess.......never saw that for him i was only fren......but his caring ..his love though it was as fren....his pain for me....and many more thing never let me forget him for a second......n i always wonder in questions for which i never got answered....i wondered our relation is perfect...then why he says he doesn't love me?.........but i never got answered........n i gave myself my own reasons like may be m ugliest person in world...may be our caste is different so. may be m not his type...may be n may be........it never end.........but ya it made me depressed.....so depressed that i lost my thoughts...my aim for life......my ways.........he never understood that...n whenever we discussed we argued only.....no use......so i decided to leave Nepal.........but at that moment i forgot that places can be changed but the heart remains same.......n feeling grew n grew......once he said come back to nepal n we will talk...i went back n felt so ignored that it hurt me the most....i feel scare to go back now......sometimes he use to say...i don't want to lose a fren so if u wish only having relation is a good idea then lets be in relation........but those days brought suffocations in my life.......how can i be with a man who only accept me 'coz of my pains....or just to save our friendship?........so never the relation succeed......there were so many other things but i know the friendship between us is true......in friendship we never betrayed each other..........though many of my frens never understood that.........they always said if there is friendship there must be love......and if he doesn't loves u then he doesn't even is your fren...........but i knew..........we were gr8 frens.......and there isn't compulsion that always only one relation can exist.........he has been there to share my pains.......he was always there for me........only as a lover we never succeed but i know he never betrayed me for anything..........he shared everything with me....only that after that also my feelings never decreased...so i feel that i was the one who is guilty.....i was the one to be punished 'coz i was the one who ruined our relation.............God know why he brought us together...........but i know my life will be for him. No matter he will be there or not...........
and after more than 9 yrs of agreement n friendship...love n care..........its time to depart...he said he is getting married soon.......i know i can' live with out him.........but i can't say anything 'coz his life ...his decisions i never can change........i only know one thing i was waiting for one hope that he will someday come back..........now i will wait the day when I’ll leave this world...till then his memories are more than enough to live this life.............this ever lasting waiting will be ended some day i believe so...........and i wrote him my last letter.........

DEAR
how many times we said good bye but we always unable to stay separately n again we came back to each other........sometimes u came first sometimes i came..........but the distance between us never increased like the way it gonna increase now......my heart n my mind still wish u the happiness n success in your life......in every steps may god always bless u....this is my love or may be i m selfish but some part of me is dying without u...i want to be still m unable to be happy......how could i be happy that u leaving me forever.....how i'll forget that i dreamt to live life with u...how will i remove all those pictures of u n me from memories n life.......how i could destroy all those dreams......how could i....how could i?.........i donno n i won't.........everything will be fresh with me.........in my memories ...in my life..........
May be after today i won't tell u anything or u won't be there to listen....so let me tell u today that i never tried to hurt u in my life but it was time situation that create misunderstanding....whenever u blamed me i never explained 'coz i felt if u don't believe in me what is use of explanations?.....i was wrong....i should have proved everything to u..........n i did so many times.....n u never believed i guess..........I’ve been waiting for u just with the hope that someday u'll understand me...........no as usual i was wrong...u never even tried to understand my love..........let me tell u that friendship is the best relation n i was wrong to try changing it into sth else.......but now its too late............i can't undo my feelings.....i can't bring back those moments.....things got bad for me.....love had became a dream never meant to come true.........wish u all the best for life ahead.........wish u'll get success in every step u climb up.........can't say if we see eachother again in life or not......time had always been unfair to me........but i promise that i will try not to come in your life again.........m taking my pains ...my tears... my feelings n my memories with me........hope only happiness i left in your life.........just wated to tell u that i loved u for no reasons.........n i'll love u forever n ever..........just going away from your life so that u won't get more embrassed b'coz of me....u won't get hurts 'coz of me.......sometimes word became less to talk about to express n today m not getting words to describe my feelings....to say goodbye.......what will be appropriate way to bye to a part of life.......i donno........but i've to i know.........so good bye.....GOODBYE..........

YOURS N FOREVER YOURS..........